Reading for the week

Love Memories Remain Alive: Have You Ever Chosen Hatred Over Love….???

Men and women make different relationships of love in their courtship years and throughout their live time. This is done because of unconscious desire to exercise all the dimensions of love. Affection, jealousy, and hatred are the prominent feelings that humans yearn during romantic relationships. Like the ordinary people, I did not encounter all the dimensions of love in one relationship with only one girl. It was a foggy morning. Humid air covered the entire horizon. Tinny droplets of water were on the green leaves of the trees. Behind the chains of mountains, the sun was partly appearing at the eastern side of the city. There were few clouds in the sky. The clouds were black in the center and reddish brown at the corners.

Rays of distantly appearing sun changed the edge of each cloud into a golden color. There were no people in the streets of the city. Few women were sweeping in front of our next-door houses. With overwhelming emotions, I was brushing my teeth by using a piece of magic Somali tree known “Caday” at that time, I dived in gleeful daydreams that made me extremely happy and impatient.  

I was foreseeing how beautiful the school environment will be; the new friends I will meet, the lessons I will benefit, and the comfortable approvals I will receive from students and teachers. When these joyful mental pictures came to end, I returned to my real self still standing in front of my home. I looked my wristwatch. It was 7:15 am. “Oh! It is too late” I said to myself. Then I rushed to the bathroom to wash my face, my hands, and my legs. After the half shower, I entered my room and opened my case. I took some clothes out of it. Then I put on my new school uniform; the formal white shirt and the black trouser of Somaliland secondary schools. After I had completed dressing, I took a large plane mirror which was on the same table of my books. I put it opposite of my face and started combing. With my books I went out of the house and walked towards the school.

After quarter hour, I reached Sheikh Ali Jawhar secondary school. It was a big building made from irregular sedimentary rocks and strong cement mixed with sand. Around the building there were long Barasaf trees. Past the doorstep into the main building, I saw chains of well-decorated classrooms lined in each direction. In the center of the campus there was a large space with two rectangular gardens. In the gardens, there were very green grass and different kinds of flowers. Red, yellow, and blue flowers were scattered in the gardens. Two opposing identical rooms were erected in the center of the building. One of them was the office of the principal and the other was small library with few books. At the eastern and the western sides of these opposing rooms there were long corridors that extend corner to corner.  

Inside the campus, there were a lot of boys in the same uniform of mine. They were in groups. Each group was losing in their healthy and friendly conversations. The boys were laughing repeatedly as if they were telling jokes. I walked towards them to search some of my friends in the groups. As I approached to them, it came apparent for me that their repetitive laughing was artificial because the boys were showing off groups of girls who were sitting the opposite corner of the boys. The girls were whispering to one another and they were seemingly gossiping the boys. In the middle of those girls, there was a young and beautiful girl with a white Somali Dirra stained blue light color and white head-cover. She was wearing high heeled shoes. Like strong magnet she caught my sight. Even if I tried to turn my eyes away from her, I could not.

The girl glanced at me and suddenly turned her eyes away. To her surprise, whenever she looked my way she had been making an eye contact with me. She wondered why I was looking her so curiously. After a short time, she stood up and walked towards one of the classrooms. When the girl stood up I noticed more about her physical appearance. Her height was middle. All her body organs were inline with one another. Her neck was long enough. Her eyebrows were thick, black, and added the beauty of her golden brown face. The face of the girl had a good shape which could help the beauty of the other organs on her head. Near the forehead, her hair was partially appearing. It was long, wavy, and black.

The waist of the girl was too thin that made her pelvis and buttocks fit each other and graceful. Like a well trained model girl, her well fitted pelvis and buttocks gave her very attractive cat-like walk. Like an orange pieces, her breasts were middle in size and could stand erect without bra. When the girl disappeared and entered her class, I walked towards the office of the principal to ask him which class I was assigned to join. He frankly told me that I had to join “form one B” I did not know were the class was. So I asked for the principal to show me the class. He showed me the class. It was the same class the beautiful girl was entering.

Being newcomer plus knowing that girl was in the class became a sudden stroke of embarrassment for me. Automatically, I lost the control of my body organs. My legs, my hands, and my lips started to vibrate as I get drenched in a very cold and icy rain. My body released the odor of emotional sweat. To overcome this overwhelming shame, I forced myself to enter the class and walked past the door-frame. The students were silent and they were mostly boys. Few girls were at the back of the class. The teacher was standing in front of them. He was explaining biology lesson persuasively. I walked along the class to search place to sit. The seats were ordered in three equal columns. Two columns were at the corners and one column was in the middle. All the seats were occupied by the students. I found very old and dusty one at the back of the central column. I sat there and tried to regain my physical and mental stability.

I turned off all my emotions and eased myself. When I returned to my normal state, I looked around to see the faces of my will be classmates. Then, I my sight caught a beautiful girl. She is the one I appreciated for the first sight. From that moment being member of the class was no more than to see her. In those days, when I went to school it was for her; when I combed my hair it was for her, when I ironed my school uniform it was for her. When I polished my shoes it was for her. When I answered questions asked by the teacher it was for her. When I talked too loudly among my friends it was for her. When I did math and physics problems on the blackboard it was for her. When I came in front of the students to have my say about the class disciplines it was for her.  

Time after time, her love had been multiplying exponentially in my heart until it paralyzed all the other ambitions I could have. I liked that girl because of her goodness, her popularity, and her beauty. As days passed, my classmates among them the girl I liked the most saw my cleverness. I was very excellent to solve the complicated math and physics problems that most of the students found it difficult. For this reason Students used to ask for me to do their complicated math and physics problems. I was very prompt to their help and also I was very successful to solve those problems. My extraordinary talent for mathematics increased my popularity in the class.

And then one day, Najma asked for me to do math exercise. I found it chance to make relationship with her because this was an approval signal from her. After that day we secured a healthy relationship. We stayed together, talked together, and laughed together. I those days, I lived with pride and excitement. My school attendance was regular because the school environment was joyful and welcoming. While things were like that, something happened in one Saturday morning and changed my gleeful daydreams into horrible nightmares.

A new boy enrolled our school and joined in the same class. His name was Abdulsalam. He was tall, giant, and handsome. Compared to my relatively vague color and defined bones on my face, he had a white color and flesh covered face. Besides his physical attractiveness, the level of his knowledge was very high. His language was very strong. He could speak both English and Arabic fluently. In addition to his language strength, he can solve trigonometric and Algebraic expressions mechanically. In one month only, the boy became dominant and put me a recessive position. All the students and the teachers appreciated his excellence. Najma found him attractive and began to have friendly conversations with him. That was a bad feeling for me. In those days, the school environment changed into hostile one. I get depressed, frustrated and malingered. 

However, another humiliating event occurred and changed my already bad situation into worse. It was break time. Najma and Abdulsalam were sitting together inside the class. There were few students in the class and they were in groups. Each group was doing physics exercise. Najma was speaking to Abdulsalam sweetly. She was laughing more and more. I grew completely silent and angry. My blood changed into acid. My blood vessels increased in size. My heart beat increased so hard that I could hear the “lub-dub” sound of my heart. I could not control my emotions, so I began walking towards them. “The assignment is very easy” I said in despair.

Najma glanced at me with pure hatred and turned her face away. “Do not interrupt us” she said in a loud and clear voice. I turned around and saw the other students who were hiding their sarcastic giggling from me. Sorrowfully, my boiling blood changed into ice. I thought that the whole world was inside the class and heard Najma’s words. The word that came out of her mouth created a rift between us. Our relationship   deteriorated day after day. After I had stopped all hope to renew my relationship with Najma. I was obliged to take decision. 

Like haughty teenagers, it is a misleading thought to believe that the options of romantic decisions are always between bad and good. Mind your head, sometimes the options of romantic decisions are between bad and worse. I reconsidered my choices which were between bad and worse. The bad decision I had was to put Najma out of my system and the worse one was to run after her. I took the bad one and ceased my ill-fated relationship with Najma. Despite the psychological trauma I encountered in that relationship with that girl, now, as a mature man, I feel positive nostalgic feelings and excessive excitement whenever I remember about Najma. Thus love  Memories remain alive. Never does it die. The soul of true love in one time of your life time stays with you forever.

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